The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love brings tremendous meaning and effects.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).

B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to incredibly tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, closeness, love, and well-being .

However when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a number of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay men desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This my sources implies combining chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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